Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
