Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
