We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
