Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
