It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
