ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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