guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
