we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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