he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
