Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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