Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
