Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
