Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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