they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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