She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
