you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
