so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's get the cat blown out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
