They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
