You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
