I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
