The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Pooping to opera.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
