I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
