That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
