My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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