I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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