I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
