she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
