No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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