She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
