can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
