Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
