I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
