I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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