It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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