the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
