It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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