I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
