his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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