So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
