i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
