FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
