i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I could fuck to npr.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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