Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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