Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
