You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
