This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
