we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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