guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
