Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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