i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
