...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
