I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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