I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
