Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
