I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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