I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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