you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
