I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
